The Very Last Letter
by Emmel1118
Summary: He is gone, forever and for always. Just a little two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a little two-shot! **

**The Very Last Letter**

She sat down on the bench and hid her head in her hands. She looked down at the freshly turned earth, she hadn't been able to attend the funeral, nobody had informed her. She hadn't needed a funeral though, it was much easier to come here and say her goodbyes alone. It was easier to let go of her walls alone. She put the bunch of flowers down and sat back. The tears didn't come today, amazingly they had hardly come at all since she had heard the news, maybe she had cried herself out.

She stared at the inscription. 'A loving father, brother and son, taken too early. Loved and loved in return.' She smiled at the last part, obviously he had requested it to be put there, it sounded like him. It had been hard, all those year not seeing him but not a single day had gone by when she hadn't thought of him, or been reminded of him and not a single day went by when she didn't regret her decision. She liked to think he had been the same, but maybe his son had been enough to keep the memories at bay, she didn't know.

She had been sitting there for about half an hour when a man walked in to Graveyard. He was young and she felt pity for him, who had he lost? To her surprise he came up to his grave, the one that she was sitting next to. He placed some flowers down and then turned to her, keeping his head down. "He asked me to give you this." He raised his head and she saw his eyes. His eyes. His arm was outstretched and an envelope was lying in his palm. She reached out and took it. She open the envelope and pulled the letter out.

_Dear Jac,_

_If you are reading this then time is already up for me. I wanted to come and tell you these things, to hold you, to see you at least one more time but life is cruel. I know I haven't seen you for 18 years and if you have moved on I hope you are happy but please still take your time to read this letter, it is one of my last wishes, for you to read this. I've never been good at expressing my emotions out loud so I wrote this letter to tell you everything._

_Every single day since I left I have thought about you, while trying to or not. Every single day since I have left I have had a hole, a hole where you should be. I respect your choice but still every day I checked the messages on the phone and the letters on the mat, in vain for your number or a Holby postmark for you changing your mind, that you were coming. I hope you made it Jac. I'm not being sarcastic but I hope with all of my heart that breaking yours was worth it, because then you won't hurt as much I do, and I can't wish that on anyone else. _

_Look at Harry hasn't he grown? He's 18 now, and do you still think he looks like Churchill? I couldn't tell him about you, I couldn't tell anyone about you, it hurt too much. It was his 18__th__ birthday that he found out about you. He'd told me where he wanted to go to university, Holby, he chose Holby, so memories where already swimming around my head when I remember what happened on the day Harry was born, what you said. I realised that you had spoken the truth, not just said to get Faye to move, you had spoken the truth. You said that if you love someone enough, they never leave you, you learn to live with their absence and move on, I had just realised that it applied to me as well. Let's say Harry found me crying, and I told him all about you. He has given you letter and I hope you will get to know him well. You've missed out on so much, Jac._

_I don't want you to forget that I love you, okay. I always will, whatever happens. When I got there half of me was screaming to move on, to forget about you but the other half had already realised that I never would. I am yours forever, Jac Naylor, never forget that. Try not to hurt too much; there is nothing you could have done to save me. You'll hurt and that's okay, just remember that I love you and everything is going to be alright. _

_Yours always and forever,_

_Joseph_

Jac had thought she was all out of tears, but they had proved her wrong. Reading his letter the tears had started to fall, and they wouldn't stop. A part of her felt happy, he had felt the same way but Jac just wished she could have told him, told him she loved him. They had made there decisions and like most of the ones they had made regarding each other, they had both ended up more hurt. Jac found comfort in the fact that he had felt the same, he had never moved on. "Thank you." Jac managed to whisper, through the tears. She didn't know who it was directed at. Harry because he brought her the letter, or Joseph because he had showed her what love is. Both she thought. The last letter, very last letter, was folded and tucked in to Jac coat pocket as she got up and walked away.

**I'm making myself cry; reading this :'( As always I hope it's good!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, I had several ideas where this could go, and this is the one that I settled on, hope it's as good as the first part!**

She was back outside, sitting on the bench. It had snowed the night before and she could see the footprints in the snow. She wondered what stories the prints had to tell, a devoted father grieving for a lost child, a heartbroken wife coming to pay their last respects to their husband or her own story: the woman who could never express her emotion's coming to pay her final respects to the only man who she ever open her heart for.

She heard the crunching of feet on the snow and she looked up to see Harry trudging down the path. Jac looked at him for the first time, properly, and she saw that he shared other traits with his father, other than his eyes. There build was the same, the hair, even though Harry had blonde hair, looked similar, and then there were the eyes. Just looking at Harry brought the memories flooding back.

"He was a good man, my father. He loved you, he really did, but you already knew that. He had that look in his eyes, the same one as you, the one of hurt. I'm training to be a doctor, like father like son." Jac nodded and stared at the grave stone. "Did you get a letter?" Jac asked. Harry nodded and took a sheet of paper out of his pocket. "I miss him so much, but the letter makes it easier. I'll never forget him, will you?" Jac slowly shook her head. "I've tried for twenty years to forget your father, and how much he means to me, but I can't. How can you forget the first person you think about in the morning and the last person you think about at night, the man who haunts you every waking second with what might have been? You don't. I learnt that the hard way. So no, I will never forget the love of my life." Jac spoke softly but clearly.

"There was never anyone else for him, so he never moved on, he told me that on my 18th birthday. It will get easier, I hope, to cope with loss of him. I just want him to come sauntering down the street and say anything, I mean anything, I don't care what, just something." Jac nodded her head in agreement. "That's what it was like for me for 18 years, all I wanted was to see him coming down the street, but I knew he was never coming, he had you and I always prayed to god that you made the memories stay away, that he didn't hurt as much as me, because I could never wish that hurt on anyone." Jac said, and she could feel the tears coming back, starting to prick at her eyelids. "The memories didn't stay away because of me. I heard him crying a lot, he used to cry when he thought I was asleep, but I normally wasn't. One day I went down stairs and asked him why he was crying and he told me that love hurts. I didn't understand what he meant then but when he explained about you, it all made sense." Harry replied, his mouth set in a small smile.

Harry sat on the bench next to her and they both stared at the grave of a father, a brother and a lover. They both hurt, but it would get easier, as the days wore on, they would never forget him. Jac never could, could she? They both ached for his touch, his love, things they would never feel again. For Jac it was the end of the road, he was never coming back, she would never get him back, but all that mattered was that he had never forgotten her. Harry wanted his dad back, to be there for his son's wedding, if there was one, the birth of his grandchildren, if Harry had any kids, he wanted to grow old with his dad, but now he never would. They both hurt.

Jac got up from her seat. "Harry, when you fall in love, never let them go." Jac said, quietly. "Because if you do, love hurts." Harry nodded her head, as Jac turned around and, her feet crunching on the snow, walked out of the Graveyard.


End file.
